Jennifer Anniston And Justin Theroux Are Divorcing! This Is So Exciting!

I’m not much of a gossip hound but buddy this one is juicy! I love a good ole fashioned Jennifer Anniston dust-up. Jennifer is gonna be all over the Gossip Magazines this summer. My trips to the grocery store just got so much more exciting!

“Sir. Sir. SIR! Can you put the bananas on the belt? I need to ring them up so you can check out, sir.”

“Oh yes. Sorry about that,” I say whilst adding People Magazine to my stack of US Weekly and Cosmo.

Who is Jennifer’s new man this week? Is it? No way…

It cant be…

Chaps no!

DONT DO IT!

DONT PUT THAT OUT THERE IN THE WORLD TO GET OUR HOPES UP AGAIN!

My god.

MAY A THOUSAND BLOSSOMS BLOOM, JEN AND BRAD!

(hate to see it for them. Sad when anyone divorces. Tragic. I’ll never take delight in the sadness of another. That’s a promise from heretofore.)